Kinda depressed this morning >.< Randomly bitching ahead.

Okay, soo my last paycheque of the month was deposited last night, and since I'm only working three days a week now to have time for school, it was far less than desired. Less than $380 and I have to withdraw about $340 of that for various expenses.

$340 - 275 for rent - 15 for the house petty cash (Our joint toilet paper/dish soap fund) - 50 to start paying back my ex, who my best friend tells me is worse off. (Originally I was going to start paying him when I was stable again, but apparently it can't wait, I'm too fucking nice.)

My credit card is in a sad state, as it will have to shoulder the burden of my phone bill and bus pass for the month, $56 and $65 respectively, until the next paycheque. To be perfectly honest, it doesn't help that I've already started buying Christmas gifts for my brothers. Online. To the tune of over $70 with shipping. At least they're done and I only have my incredibly difficult parents to shop for. I think I'm gunna get my dad some slippers and something else (Probably something overpriced at Thinkgeek again), and I have no idea what to get for my mom.

I really have no one to blame but myself. I know that. I've been horrible at keeping my expenses under control. It's just easier to grab fast food at work or school than make the time to buy groceries and plan it out. I could post an image of part of my debit card's record and show that the majority of my purchases are under $10 at fast food places in the area (But I'm not going to).

Although my hallowe'en costume has cost a pretty penny aswell :/ I saved most/all of the receipts, and it's come to over $50 by itself. The most expensive item was $21, and the second most expensive $12.99, but the rest of it was under five bucks, though it has many component parts.

I hate living like this. I can't wait until I graduate. I got 879/900 on my A+ 601 test <nerd pride> the second or third highest mark in the class </nerd pride>, and next week I'll be taking 602 to complete the certification.

I have a metric tonne of craft stuff I can try to sell on my deceased online store. I didn't get any winter stuff knit, but I have plenty of yarn to do so. I'm a fan of ribbed arm band things, just sleeve-like things that run the length of your forearm or up to your fingers with a hole for the thumb (I made some short ones for my costume), so those will probably get made soon-ish, I have lots of yarn for it (About 5 balls of soft 100% acrylic yarn). Whether they'll be made in time for winter is anybody's guess.

Yeah. My financial situation still sucks. And this time I can't even blame the economy for it ^-^;

Oh, and if anybody wanted to hire me for something I could do at home online, I'm very good with HTML script and I got myself a crappy book on XML that I intend to learn. Just throwing that out there. No CSS or Javascript in my vocabulary yet though. YET. Though I may pick up the lame languages I learned in highschool again. Pascal was fun and RealBasic was at least a little transferrable. Maybe this time I'll get the hang of sprites.

Broke up with the boy, but we're still good friends. Win all around.

Taking my first certification exam in class tomorrow, the A+ 220/601 essentials one. I'm pretty excited. I feel prepared. I kind of wish I could get it over with right now but at the same time I'm internally biting my nails until my fingers are bloody stumps.

The place I was going to try for a placement at has a hiring freeze on still, so I asked my dad last night if his work is looking to hire any junior techs. He doesn't know offhand but will check. His company has a favourable history of hiring college & university graduates in related fields to give them the experience they need. That was history though, so we'll see. It'd be really nice to have an in at the end of this XD I told him I'm looking to start mid-to-late February.

I. AM. SO. EXCITED.

I.... Wow. Okay, this is gunna take a minute. Still in a mild state of shock.

Okay, so I went out with the boy, on a grossly extended date. And by that, I mean I had planned a few minutes in the evening to sit and talk. What ended up happening was he called me in the morning and we went out for breakfast, then practically the rest of the day together. Aswell as most of today. And today... Has been one hell of a day.

I am in a relationship. It kinda scares me, because it feels like it's moving too fast already. He's really sweet and wonderful. He's perfect in that he has flaws: He smokes, which is something I truly detest, and he's a lot older than me too, which I'm trying to not let bother me. I honestly thought mid-twenties.

And today, the second day into the relationship, the day I gave in and decided to call it a relationship, he told me he loves me.

That's what the last guy said two days into the relationship too, and that one caused me years of emotional pain. I gave up everything I wanted because I felt it was impossible that I would ever find someone who really cared.

So yeah, definite-fucking-red flags up everywhere.

He called me while I was walking home tonight, and I said I'd call him back when I got home, which I did a while after I got home because I was soaked to the bone and my best friend was up and we talked for a bit. I called him and he said he was sorry for what he'd said, and I explained to him that I do really like him, but I want to take things slower.

I've got a couple big existensial questions to ask him tomorrow, we'll see what happens there. I'm not going to be backed into a corner again, bottom line.

I kind of miss the days where I could turn my feelings off like a switch.

I asked the boy out. He said yes. That was pretty awesome. Was actually kinda worried there for a moment that he had a girlfriend or something nobody knew about and would turn me down. Now I'm buzzing and excited and junk.

I left the place up to him, and his suggestion was the exact site where my super secret dream prediction took place. We'll see what the hell happens from here XD

When I take over the world, the first thing that's gunna go is social drama. Anybody caught spreading a rumour will be given a subatomic wedgie in full view of the public.

So. I have this connundrum. It's kind of hard to understand because there are soo many angles and variables involved, a lot of which I'm not prepared to divulge to an Internet blog. See, I am plotting to ask someone out for... Somewhat impure reasons.

I probably haven't mentionned this on here, as I try to keep my 'special' stuff kind of secret, but one thing about me is that every so often I get a dream that comes true. I've actually got a pretty good success rate, it would be 100% if not for the run-of-the-mill apocalypse dreams or dreams where someone tries to kill me (Both of which obviously haven't happened). Well anyways, in one such dream very recently, I went out on a date with a guy, and during that date, something incredible happened. It's very secret, and very top, so I'll keep what happened exactly to myself. Unless, maybe, if it really does happen.

Now, the guy in question: He's interesting. I'm genuinely interested in getting to know him, as I know nothing about him beyond the walls of.... A place. That I go to, often. Anyhow. He gave me his number, like so many other guys these past few weeks, and for him I've been debating calling it. The dream is almost the straw that broke the camel's back.

This is probably where it turns selfish: I'm interested in getting to know him as a friend, whereas I'm almost certain that he's interested in something beyond friendship, which I'm not really into these days. I don't want to give him the wrong impression, but I do want to ask him 'out', at least away from <insert location here> for a few minutes, just to talk. If the dream thing happens, great, if not, that's okay too as I want to talk to him anyways. But perhaps you can see how he might get the wrong idea as I would be inviting him to join me someplace that has nothing to do with <location> and he's already actively crushing on me.

Guh, I'm probably being substantially more confusing than I intend to be. Sorry. Anyways, I would be asking him out, but not as a date, and to see if something incredible happens as per the dream, when he's got a crush on me and will likely get the wrong idea. I decided to hold off calling tonight to make him wait (Translated from girl speak, that means I chickened out), but tomorrow it's now or nothing. Oh, as for the social drama thing: If I ask him to do anything, in full view of the public, rumours will most assuredly spread like wildfire. Hence why I was gunna call.

Advice? Comments? Criticism? Confusion? It's welcome. Post here.