I swear to flying spaghetti monster, if Xanga loses my post again as I'm trying to type it, I'm starting fresh on a new blog site.
Anyhow, to sum up what I'd wrote in the first attempt at this post: Best friend of mine did this in an MSN convo and I read it over and loved it, so I decided to do it myself. In truth I love these question-answer list things, gives me a chance to think about profound things, or be randomly clever and smartass-y about stuffs. What I don't like is the implied compulsion for others to do the same, but if you want to take this and use it on your own blog go for it. I'm not tagging anyone.
Because sometimes asking the right questions is the answer.
1. How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?
Fifteen. Got my first trenchcoat and my loud-and-proud teenage defiance was in full force. I had the respect of my friends, school faculty, and anybody that met me, just for being who I was. I also had a hell of a lot more time for creative projects and the friends who later decided gossip was worth more than reputation were still around.
2. Which is worse, failing or never trying?
Never trying, hands down. If you've never failed, you've never lived.
3. If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do?
Because money makes the world turn. In order to attempt some things we like we work a job that we end up hating and having less time to do the things we like in any case. It's a vicious circle.
4. When it’s all said and done, will you have said more than you’ve done?
More than likely. It'll depend on the next couple years. I'll admit I love to talk, but my commitment to really anything these days has been stifled by school and work.
5. What is the one thing you’d most like to change about the world?
Respect. I'm tired of seeing people, complete strangers, swearing at each other over stupid shit. I think that people should start with a baseline of respect when they meet someone and treat them like an equal human being.
6. If happiness was the national currency, what kind of work would make you rich?
I've been trying to figure this out for a few years already, so I'll get back to you in another few when I finally figure it out. Actually, on second thought being a mother springs to mind.
7. Are you doing what you believe in, or are you settling for what you are doing?
Settling, for now. *snickers*
8. If the average human life span was 40 years, how would you live your life differently?
Definetly wouldn't have wasted time on relationships, that's been a waste of time in many ways... And tried to beef up my creative faculties more.
9. To what degree have you actually controlled the course your life has taken?
I'd like to think that from age thirteen onwards, I managed to rebel and spit in the face of enough pseudo-authorities to give myself a great lead on making individual decisions. The group home, the near-miss with foster care, and sleeping on my aunt's couch downtown? I'd do it all over again in a heartbeat, and even invent an appropriate song and dance routine.
10. Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right things?
Depends on the situation. I try to act where both methods overlap the most.
11. You’re having lunch with three people you respect and admire. They all start criticizing a close friend of yours, not knowing she is your friend. The criticism is distasteful and unjustified. What do you do?
I'd tell them that she's my friend, and that she's obviously a better friend than they were. I'd never say something behind someone's back that I would hesitate to say to their face.
12. If you could offer a newborn child only one piece of advice, what would it be?
Your highschool sweetheart? Is really not. Or perhaps; Brush and floss twice daily.
13. Would you break the law to save a loved one?
Depends on the circumstances. If my loved one was caught dealing drugs and there was evidence linking him to the whole thing I'd let him rot and move on, because that is unforgiveable. However, if they were accused of something they didn't do, and had a way to prove it to me, I'd visit with a cake with a steel file baked into it within the first week.
14. Have you ever seen insanity where you later saw creativity?
Yes. Pretty much everything my room mates do falls under this category. Particularly the tall one with short hair, she's nuts.
15. What’s something you know you do differently than most people?
I look at myself in the mirror to make sure I still can.
16. How come the things that make you happy don’t make everyone happy?
Because I am a unique and beautiful snowflake? And this snowflake doesn't really give a damn what other people think of my hobbies?
17. What one thing have you not done that you really want to do? What’s holding you back?
I want to take a trip around the world for one solid year and see every ancient place of worship or paranormal interest in the entire world. What's holding me back is money, of course. And a passport. Which costs money.
18. Are you holding onto something you need to let go of?
I'm probably holding onto a lot of things I need to let go of, but I'll be the one to decide when I let go of them and why.
19. If you had to move to a state or country besides the one you currently live in, where would you move and why?
I don't forsee myself moving anywhere my family isn't. Also, I consider the Canadian government, even with Harper's slackjawed administration, to be the least bad of them all. I still like Obama though, but they have guns over there. When they trash that dumb idea, then we'll talk.
20. Do you push the elevator button more than once? Do you really believe it makes the elevator faster?
I don't, because it doesn't make the elevator go faster. Also? I giggle involuntarily when I see people do it.
21. Would you rather be a worried genius or a joyful simpleton?
Worried genius. I like thinking, and tend to look down on people that don't.
22. Why are you, you?
I don't really see how I could be anything else but myself.
23. Have you been the kind of friend you want as a friend?
Yes, absolutely.
24. Which is worse, when a good friend moves away, or losing touch with a good friend who lives right near you?
When a good friend moves away. There's correspondance through the internet and phone calls etcetera, but if we were close enough friends that I hung out with them a lot, it would be a huge loss.
25. What are you most grateful for?
My family and close friends, my health, and my ability to just manage to pull through when the going gets it's toughest. ie. I'll never win the lottery, but I'll never be completely broke either.
26. Would you rather lose all of your old memories, or never be able to make new ones?
I'd pick the latter, and resign myself to keeping detailed journals of my day to day activites. Seems like a good middleground.
27. Is it possible to know the truth without challenging it first?
Yes, intuition. However, even though I sometimes get it, when it comes to math or the meaning of a word, I still challenge it to make sure.
28. Has your greatest fear ever come true?
So far so good.
29. Do you remember that time 5 years ago when you were extremely upset? Does it really matter now?
I can't really think of anything truly upsetting that happened that year.
30. What is your happiest childhood memory? What makes it so special?
Sitting behind my dad in a metal folding chair watching him work in DOS. Even though I feel like we don't connect as well as I'd like us to, since 90% of the stuff he and I talk about is related to computers or gaming, and even though I didn't do much sitting behind him but watch words I didn't understand fly by on a monochrome screen, it felt like time well spent.
31. At what time in your recent past have you felt most passionate and alive?
I can't think of anything recent, though I've pretty much made it a silent life goal to remember what it's like.
32. If not now, then when?
When I get around to it.
33. If you haven’t achieved it yet, what do you have to lose?
Sleep, money, my grade point average, and time spent with my family. I have so little spare time as it is.
34. Have you ever been with someone, said nothing, and walked away feeling like you just had the best conversation ever?
Yes, a few times. I'm not much of a conversation starter but I do enjoy good company whether there's a verbal exchange or not.
35. Why do religions that support love cause so many wars?
Because they're all idiots. News flash: God probably doesn't exist, stop worrying, stop fighting over it, and enjoy your life.
36. Is it possible to know, without a doubt, what is good and what is evil?
Yes. Every living thing can figure this out pretty easily. If it harms another, it's evil, if it helps without harming, it's good.
37. If you just won a million dollars, would you quit your job?
No. I'm in this for the long haul, I want my current efforts to morph into a career in the dream field of my choice. If I had a million big ones I'd put it in the bank and leave it there until ready to do something with it, which would be in about 3 months.
38. Would you rather have less work to do, or more work you actually enjoy doing?
More work I enjoyed doing. And a maid.
39. Do you feel like you’ve lived this day a hundred times before?
That depends entirely on the day, and the strength of the deja vu.
40. When was the last time you marched into the dark with only the soft glow of an idea you strongly believed in?
I keep reading this one, and I don't think I understand it at all. Speak plainly you poetic bastard.
41. If you knew that everyone you know was going to die tomorrow, who would you visit today?
If I could directly affect their fates I would do so to make sure they all lived, even if I died in the process. If it was unavoidable, I'm torn between my baby brother and my best mad-science-genius-friend. My baby brother's death would hit me the hardest, but my mad-science-genius-friend I've never met before, and better late than never, right? I'd probably try to get them both together.
42. Would you be willing to reduce your life expectancy by 10 years to become extremely attractive or famous?
No. I'm allergic to the limelight, and I get enough guys staring at my breasts and calling me superficial things in a sad attempt to make me feel good about my body. I hate it for the exact reason why you're staring, so BACK OFF!
43. What is the difference between being alive and truly living?
There's being alive, living day to day on a routine, and there's truly living and doing what you're passionate about.
44. When is it time to stop calculating risk and rewards, and just go ahead and do what you know is right?
Depends on the situation. If it's monetary risks and rewards, I won't go with my gut ever, but if it's a social thing, I will do what is right.
45. If we learn from our mistakes, why are we always so afraid to make a mistake?
I'm not sure who you're talking about, but I don't fear my mistakes. Every wrong thing I say is a reminder I'm not infallible, every cut and scrape a reminder I'm not immortal, I find value in these lessons even without specifics.
46. What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you?
I don't think I would do anything differently, unless we're talking legal judgement, because I bet I have closet space for at least a couple skeletons...
47. When was the last time you noticed the sound of your own breathing?
Most nights before I go to sleep I relax and try to meditate by slowing my breathing.
48. What do you love? Have any of your recent actions openly expressed this love?
I love Coca-Cola, and I recently expressed my love for the stuff by building a castle, complete with flags, on the diningroom table out of the empty cans both my roommates pointed out that I hadn't cleaned up yet. They're not even that old, it's just been a cola-intensive couple of weeks.
49. In 5 years from now, will you remember what you did yesterday? What about the day before that? Or the day before that?
Not unless anything significant should somehow make it's way into yesterday, today, or tomorrow. Memory is measured in moments.
50. Decisions are being made right now. The question is: Are you making them for yourself, or are you letting others make them for you?
I make my decisions for myself.
